Good day sunlight....

I love this movie so damn much, and I don't care that it makes me a stupid girl for loving it as much as I do.
I just watched it... by myself... in my room... and I cried like I did the first time I watched it... because of this scene...




Would you just stay with me?

Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fighting!

Cuz thats what we do! We fight! You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch, and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass! Which you are, 99% of the time... I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You've got like a two second rebound rate and then you're back doing the next pain in the ass thing!

So what?

So I'm not saying this is gonna be easy... it's gonna be really hard. And we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I wanna do that cuz I want you! I want all of you, forever, you and me...."





And now... I will fall asleep to the soundtrack... because it is also incredible and I can't get enough of it.

re·al·ism (n.) - the attribute of accepting the facts of life and favoring practicality and literal truth

FUCK.

I can't stand being the person I am sometimes.

I can't stand the things that are expected of me.

I can't stand it when people are hurtful and mean, even if they don't mean to be.

I can't stand that I don't call when I say I will.

I can't stand my body, because it doesn't function the way its supposed to.

My heart hurts, and I have no fucking clue how to make it stop hurting.

I've got wonderful friends, and a wonderful boyfriend, and a wonderful family.

Why

the fuck

am I

so lonely?

Even a galmorous bitch can be in need.

Mmmmmkay so... I'm gonna catch you up on the life of Steph, mostly through the art of photos and links to websites and such. lol.

Okay so what's first... YES! I came home for break, and one of the first things I got to do was go with my sister to her sonogram appointment to find out is she's having a boy or a girl. I was really scared, and nervous but I don't know why, because we already know that the baby is totally healthy and Shannon didn't care if it were a boy or a girl. *I* thought that I really wanted her to have a girl. Partly because she said if it was a boy, she wanted to name him Aiden, and I like that name for myself lol) and partly because her boyfriend, Craig, is insistant on naming his son Styles. Ugh. What a DUMB name. So yeah... we piled EVERYONE into the room... me, Mom, Craig's Mom and Dad, and Shannon's friend Joanna... and the lady is measuring the baby's bones and stuff and she's like "OH! Do you want to know the sex?" and Shannon's like "YES!" and then she's like "Well, there's his penis there... you're gonna have a BOY!" Yay! I'm gonna have a nephew! :) And then immediately Craig's Mom starts yelling at him to pick a different name. lol. Shannon says she may use Styles as a middle name... so I guess the baby has potential to be Aiden Styles Nearhood. Poor guy. lol. Translates to "Fire from the stiles". Hmmm. So yeah, that was insanely exciting, and I am so happy for my sister. Shannon is getting so big! And for those of you who know my sister personally, that is a HUGE deal. She has the beginnings of a big ole pregnant belly, and her belly button is starting to pop out a little and she weighs almost as much as I do now. Well.... almost. lol. But other than her tummy, she isn't really gaining that much weight anywhere else. So she still looks like her same skinny self, just with a belly. She's going to be so cute when she's like 8 and 9 months... cuz she's gonna stay skinny everywhere and then have this GIANT belly. I can't wait. I wanna play. lol.

ANYHOO... then Christmas parties and celebrations came, and my Mom's side of the family had theirs Friday night, and then Dad's on Saturday. And then Mom's again on Sunday. lol. Shannon told everyone this weekend that she was having a boy, and everyone is SO excited for her! My Grandmom and my Aunt Sharon moreso than anyone else. My Grandmom started jumping up and down and screaming and then grabbed Shannon and Craig (and that's saying something, she's old and has trouble getting around... so for her to jump around like that was so funny) I think its so wonderful how awesome everyone in my family is reacting to this. I really was worried that everyone would be like "Uhhhh you're 19 and not married" (cuz, let's be real, that's how *I* was and I'm not nearly as old fashioned at the rest of my family) But everyone is just so happy and excited for her, and its so great to see how happy that makes Shannon when she's around them.

So yeah... Christmas parties... my cousin Andrew and his wife Chrissy have a baby girl who's a little over a year old, I think...? I dunno... but she is SO smart and so much fun to play with. At Thanksgiving, I was hanging out with her, and I kept doing this thing where I would shake my head, my hair would fly everywhere and get in my face and she would fix my hair and pull it out of my face and I would sigh and say thank you. And we would do that over... and over... and over again. So yeah... a month later at Christmas, she sees me and she gets on my lap and looks at me and shakes her head the same way I did before and starts playing with my hair! I was so excited that she remembered me... like, I know babies know their immediate family and recognize them... but she remembered who *I* was, and that made me very happy. So, of course, I sat there and did the shake/fix game for a half hour or so. And then we opened gifts, and she got this GIANT alphabet animal toy set, which I was thoroughly entertained by. More so than the baby was. lol. :)

Then at Dad's on Saturday, my cousin Alissandra opened her gift and she got MALL MADNESS! Do you remember that shit? Oh man... my sister, my cousin Heather and I were so excited about it, cuz we use to play it all the time when we were younger. So yeah... we set it up (which took for freakin' ever) and then made Alissandra play with us. And it was so funny, cuz the voices are different now... so Heather was so excited for the "Sorry, we're closed... try again later" guy... and it was different. And all of us were like "Awwwww that sucks."

Moral of the story is, I can not wait to have kids so I can play with their toys at Christmas time. :)

So yeah... *I* got some clothes and movies... and some money to buy whatever I want. Woot. I'm going with my Mom and Shannon to Arundle Mills on Tuesday and I'm sure I will spend what little money I have left then. lol. But its Christmas money, and I was instructed to by something that I wanted.

OH! And Shannon got this BE-A-UTIFUL necklace from Craig, and I am serious contemplating getting it as a tattoo. It is just the prettiest thing ever. I want it so badly. Me. Wants. It.

Craig got an XBox 360 for Christmas off EBay, and Shannon and I were the ones who won it. And you should have seen us, trying to outsmart the other people who were bidding. lol. Shannon's like "Say $500, and then no one will want to bid that high, and we'll win." And then we did... and no one wanted to bid that high... and we won. But then we realized that we hadn't talked to Craig about it to see if it was the right one he wanted, and got reeeeeeally nervous that we had just spent $500 plus shipping on something he didn't want. But it was the right one, and it game today. So we won't be seeing Craig around anymore. I think he's gonna lock himself in our basement with the big screen TV for the next month or so. :) OH! And I watched him play Call of Duty 2 for like... almost 2 hours. That game is intense. Its like watching a movie.

Shannon, Mom and I watched Father of the Bride Parts I and II... and it was really funny to see the similarities between what happens in the movie to what's going on in our lives. Not so much one... but two (since its the one with the babies). Like... theres a scene where the father is asleep, and then wake him up and he's like "I'll get it. What flavor?" And my Mom and Shannon started cracking up, because apparently Shannon is like that now, too.

So yeah... this is boring, and I apologize. But I haven't made a real post in a while, and I felt like maybe I should. Besides, we all know the real reason for this post was to announce I am going to have a nephew, so I guess the rest is just superfluous.

I think I just got talked into going to the mall with Shannon. ::sigh:: If I don't make it back alive... tell my mother that I love her.

I AM

Current mood: Very very blah.
i am not: happy with my living situation... go figure.
i hurt: when people I care about are hurting.
i love: music.
i hate: being as hungry as I am now.
i hope: Scott feels better soon.
I hear: Jason Mraz singing "After an Afternoon".
i crave: McDonald's fries.
i regret: nothing.
i cry: way more than a happy girl should.
i care: more than he probably knows.
i always: daydream about being famous.
i long to: graduate and get the hell out of school.
i feel alone: when I have sleep by myself in my bed.
i listen to: music.... duh.
i hide: that I'm upset very well.
i drive: all the time!
i sing: every chance I get... in the shower, in the car, on stage, in my room.
i dance: every chance I get... in the shower, in the car, on stage, in my room.
i write: songs as therapy.
i breathe: because if I didn't, I would die.
i play: the tuba quite well.
i miss: Scott..
i learn: more from my friends, family and myself than i do in class.
i know: i will love what I do with my life.
i say: I love you and mean it.
i fail: to see how some people can be so selfish.
i succeed at: pissing people off without really trying.
i dream: of getting paid to make music.
i sleep: like a rock, when i actually sleep.
i wonder: what my life would be like if i hadn't come to College Park.
i want: to punch one of my housemates in the face... hard.
i worry: about money.
i wait: for Dad to get here and pack up some of my stuff.
i need: love... lots and lotsa love.
i am: phenominal.
i think: I could make it if I really tried.
i can't help the fact that: I worry about other girls.
i stay: longer than I probably should.

I realized that I haven't made an actual post of things that have been going on... rather just filling out pointless surveys that no one reads and taking silly online quizzes. Woo.

So yeah... this past weekend was pretty fun. Saturday was Golf Party, which is basically an excuse to drink yourself into a drunken mess at different "holes" set up at different people's places. Stuff like Pong and Flip Cup and Quarters. I was "caddy" for The Pink Ladies, which meant that I was responsible for getting them from hole to hole and to make sure they didn't drink themselves to death. So yeah... it was pretty entertaining at first, but then I got annoyed at some of the people who really couldn't help the fact that they were being HUGE douchebags because they were obliterated beyond all reason. I dunno... it was hard for me to sit there in a room, and see all these people that I care about dearly stumbling around, not even being able to lift their heads because they were so drunk. It was a hard sight to see, for me at least. To see people that I would DIE for drinking until they puke, and then drinking more. I dunno... I sound like I'm just being dramatic, but it really just put me off for some reason. I know lots of people had a lot of fun, and I'm not saying that its bad to have fun drinking... it was just hard being 100% sober and seeing it. Usually, I guess, when my friends are drinking, I'm drinking too... so I don't realize how much alcohol changes people. Plus, no one ever really drinks as much as they did for Golf Party. PLUS I got yelled at for "picking on people"... which was me telling people the were assholes for throwing things off a second story balcony and throwing each other around an apartment packed with people. ::shrugs::

SUNDAY though... oh man, Sunday was so much fun. The sisters had a Destination: UNKNOWN outing where the only people who knew where we were going were the person who planned the trip and the people driving. So we ended up going to Larrland Farms and picked pumpkins right out of the patch (watch out for thorns) and apples right off the tree! They had a maze set up, but you had to pay for it, and plus most of us were tall enough to see right over the top of it (I'm pretty sure it was for lil kids). We got cider and apple fritters and bought way too much stuff in the little market thing they had there. It was so nice, I felt like a housewife. lol. And there were so many little kids there, which of course all of us flocked around and oooh-ed and aahhhh-ed over. Then we started talking about having babies and stuff, and we all realized that it isn't very far away from now. EEEEP! And we were talking about coming back there 5 or 10 years from now with out kids and hanging out together and how awesome that would be. And then we all decided that our biological clocks needed a snooze alarm. lol. It was a ton of fun though, even though it sounds like something women in their 30's would enjoy. But women in their thirties wouldn't stick their faces in the holes to make it look like their a ghost or an ear of corn now, would they? Well... I will. And my kids will be embarassed of me. :)

Well... since Sunday, I've pretty much been feeling like absolute crap. My stomach has been upset since Sunday night, and today I've got a fever. Woo. AND I just found out from Katie, one of the girls that lives with me, that she's got mono. WOOO! So hopefully I'm just sick, and not terribly fucking sick like Katie. I've never had mono, and I don't want it either. I dunno if I could get it from her, the only thing I could think of was that we all kind of share dishes (well... rather THEY use MY dishes) so... I just keep picturing Katie eating with one of my forks or drinking out of one of my cups. Gah. ::crosses fingers::

I SHOULD be at band at the moment, and it really drives me crazy that I can't be there. I haven't missed a day of rehearsal at all this year, and now this stupid fever is ruining my perfect attendance. Grrrrrr. But I stayed home from band so that I could go to the Health Center... so off I go.

How's that for an update, eh? :)